This Christmas Day will mark the 15th anniversary of the moment I decided I would never talk to my douchebag father again. I didn’t know at the time that this would also result in never talking to his other children (my half brothers and sisters) again or any of my other relatives on that side of the family. Given all that I don’t regret it because it was a choice that probably saved my mind and by extension my life.
Some hurts never go away even though the choice was for the better, my heart is admittedly bitter today. The best thing I can do to erase my anger is be a better dad for my children than was done for me, which is conveniently easy seeing as Joe Sr. never gave a fuck. If Joe is alive or not I don’t know, I do my best not to care as a matter of self defense.
Basically this isn’t a happy time of year for everyone despite what TV and commercials and hysteria want you to think. Even though the joy of Christmas is a lie to sell plastic crap to people you can still take a moment to think about how good you’ve had it before you whine and complain about bullshit, take your loved ones for granted and dwell on how little you got under the tree. Try to be thankful, enjoy your time with family otherwise you mock those of us who will never get that chance again.
So now I told you how shitty my one parent was it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t say how amazing my mother is…and how much I appreciate everything she ever done for me such as teaching me to write music, think and feel for myself. Surely my ability to argue and question authority comes directly from her. I could never have survived without the tools you instilled in me. Thirteen years a single mom, no one will ever do more for me.
It pains me deeply but I believe this is the 12th year since we had a Christmas dinner together…12 years since I got off a bus in BC and I miss you lots. Being far away from dad forever was probably part of why I got on that bus in the first place, whatever I had to do to find myself she accepted. Besides all the other amazing things mom has done she also chose to marry a pretty good guy named the Bluesman aka Tommer…We are not related but Tommer is family. He also has a knack for getting me the kind of presents I would really like…which is good cause he appears to be the only one to get me something this year.
What you have to understand is that Tom often frequents the very last SAM THE RECORD MAN in Canada…it’s in the Quinte Mall…and he got me an official SAM THE RECORD MAN t-shirt, on the back it says “THE LAST SAM STANDING – BELLEVILLE ONTARIO”…..HOW COOL IS THAT!?!?!?!
Wish I could be home with you guys and sit with them and my step-siblings families, wish we could joke while the kids run amok around us. There were many years I had nowhere to go and that was even harder to be away from you all. Thinking of you all today.