The Awfull, Terrible, No Good and Very Bad Things

by Dr.Joey Only

I’ve been arrested, beaten, struck by lightning, hospitalized for tuberculosis, dumped, cheated on, injured, addicted, made a fool of and more…but today it really hurts.  Just when everything was going so goddamned well too!  I know I should be happy about the Leafs season and how we manage to claw back into the series and go as far as overtime in Game 7 with Boston…but…but…we were up 4-1 with ten minutes to play!  It was one of the most awful collapses in sports history!  It was like being kicked in the nuts by Iron Man.

The worst part of a Playoff Hangover is the isolation you go through, especially if you live in BC and you are a Leafs fan.  Just imagine how yesterday I heard people in BC cheer for the Leafs, it was magic right until the carpet was ripped out from under my feet.  Today I am alone with my pain, my sorrow suppresses my ability to think happy thoughts yet I am expected to keep on operating like I do every day.  But I can not!  Now I know what it’s like to have a loved one die!!

The only solace I can find is relief that I won`t have to be glued to my neighbours television every second day, nor will my wife and I have to continue to discuss the merits of getting a satellite dish…at least not until mid-September.  I guess I`ll have more time to walk my dog and hang out with my family…though I was thinking about calling Satan and asking him if he`d make a trade in order to turn back time and undo the Bruins comeback.  I must have a terrible addiction to hockey when I start thinking things like Maple Leafs will get you through time of no money better than money will get you through time of no Maple Leafs.

As far as I am concerned I have seen enough, may the giant asteroid hit Earth at any second.  After a defeat like that I don`t want to go on living…but that`s not good enough….I want NO ONE to live!  I wish for the whole world to feel my anger.  Vengeance will be ours Boston!!  Maybe I can invent some weapon, you know, like a ray gun…a weenie ray…and when I shoot it at the Bruins Zdeno Chara shrinks about two feet and starts to say things like GA GA GOO GOO while Milan Lucic is sucking his thumb in the corner next to Brad Marchand who is fingering his little prick!! Vengeance will be mine!

Anyways….so how bout them Blue Jays…

…sob….sob…

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About joeyonly

Dr.Joey Only will knock you out...and do it with country music!!! HIYAAAAAA!! View all posts by joeyonly

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