An Observation by Dr.Joey Only
I don’t nessecarily buy into the idea that people look bad in the morning when they wake up. I often feel that my significant other is amazingly attractive in the morning as when I see her with her morning hair, sleepy eyes and groggy demeanor it is a special thing thing. I am the only person who sees her in those awakening moments, I see the real her with no make-up and nothing been done to create the image of the person she wants to be seen as. I see the real Leah Martin, the natural person she is and I like that!
Unfortunately I work night shifts a lot and I am often coming home after a long night and I shake her awake so that she can get up to work her day shift.
Coming home in the morning I ride the Skytrain through Vancouver to the eastside where my house is, I switch trains at the Commercial/Broadway station and in that short walk I see one to two thousand people in a matter of two minutes. People have often told me how they thought Vancouver was a city full of good looking people and sometimes I have agreed…however I have been really paying attention in the mornings when I am commuting and lately I been having a hard time finding a good looking person in those crowds.
They all look so awful in the morning…but as I said earlier this isn’t just a case of me being a person who thinks people look bad in the morning…and these people have already taken the time to put their faces on. They are all so funny looking to me, their proportions seem skewered such as big noses and nasty bags under their eyes. I’ve started to see if I can find a good looking person and in those crowds I rarely see a single one. These people wouldn’t look good no matter what time of day it is.
This brings some questions to the forefront when I consider the fact that there are many good looking people in this city.
Where are the good looking people, why aren’t they going to work at 8AM?
Do the good looking people who do go to work at 8AM all drive vehicles?
Are the working classes uglier than the ruling class? If so why are they uglier, is it a financial reason (people who make more money can afford to make themselves better looking)? Do good looking people work at all?
If they do work what time of day do the good looking people go in?
If they are uglier is it because shitty jobs make people look like shit?
It would appear that people who work those mundane jobs year after year gradually turn into some sort of working class monsters. They start their working life with so much potential but slowly mutate and morph into this beaten down creature. Day after day they awake and go through the soul sucking motions of the working class until the person they were is lost forever, the boredom of their lives manifests itself physically.
The meaninglessness of their daily drudgery becomes something they wear on their faces…their asses become disproportionate after years of sitting on it at their desks. Their noses become disproportionate after years of shoving it up their managers asses. Their eyes develop sagging bags below them from staring at computers while never seeming to catch enough sleep at night while their children nag at their brains. They get fatter from years of eating low cost and low value meals at the nearest fast food joint to their workplaces, they never have time nor the money to invest in a quality meal. They are so busy in their lives that they have no time to look at the head of hair they sport so that they can realize just how terrible their sense of style is. They wear clothes that do not compliment their ugliness, clothes that were cool this one week when they were in high school but they haven’t bothered to find out that week has long since ended and their fashion is out of date. They resort to alcoholism to deal with the horror of their drudgery, they crawl to work hung over and beaten down every day.
When I see a good looking person at Commercial and Broadway Skytrain station they stick out like a sore thumb…I am surprised to see them…they are an endangered species in Vancouver’s working class and I fear for them that if they continue to ride the train at 8AM their youthful exhuberance will be lost forever. What if the ugliness is contagious? Maybe there is an ‘ugly-bug’ that people are passing on to each other, the sheer number of ugly people all traveling together at that time threatens to spread so that anyone exposed to them day after day will slowly catch the ‘ugly’ and become a monster just like the others.
The more I think about these things the more I start to consider what should be done. Personally, it’s making me think that I would be better off driving to and from work…even as gas prices sky rocket to historical highs. Or should I go a step further and cease to work at all. The city of Vancouver ought to develop a civic strategy to deal with early morning ugliness…however I would probably find that any city I commute in every morning at 8AM would have perhaps even uglier citizens. If this is the case when will we develop a national strategy to combat ugliness?
I have a feeling that this very important issue will be left out of the political debate in the upcoming election…to all the political parties who are too politically correct to talk about the cancer of obesity and ugliness in our society I cry out SHAME on them. These ugly people stick out like an international sore thumb, it discredits our country and makes it hard for us to be taken seriously in foreign affairs. We must do something to stop the growth of ugliness before our country devolves into international obscurity while we become the laughing stock of the world. Already the entire planet is laughing at the United States for their high levels of obesity, how long will it be until we are just like the Americans?
We will have to open up hospitals for the ugly if something is not soon done. Cosmetic surgery must be included in our healthcare programs, plastic faces ought to be paid for by health insurance. Breast implants ought to be free on demand, nose jobs for anyone in need, and facelifts on demand. We must also attack the root problem of this ugliness epidemic which is working, we would be better off to spend our time finding ways to look better than we would be to work for the man…this of course does not apply to people whose jobs entail making people look better such as hairdressers, plastic surgeons and clothing designers (they all ought to be given raises).
This will be the platform of a new political party I intend to create…THE BETTER LOOKING PEOPLES PARTY!! Vote now for a better looking country, vote JOEY ONLY for Prime Minister! I obviously have to tools to help you all become sexier people!!