An e-mail conversation with David Roy Parsons that was funny enough to edit down into a blog posting, alternate title…CONFESSIONS OF AN OUT OF CONTROL RED-MEAT JUNKIE!!
Oh David…Did you pick up some ribs? I been craving ribs, I’m like a red meat junkie. I’m meat sick sick dude, I’m addicted so bad to bloody red meat. Got the sweats and chills and pangs in my tummy, I just want ribs so bad dude.
I need some MEATADONE…I was thinking about walking up and down Hasings and Main until I found a meat dealer who would hook me up…
…the problem with those meat dealers on the street is the meat never weighs what they say it does, they ribs you off (I honestly meant to write ‘RIP you off’). They take a bite out of it before they sell it and all, you know how those meat dealers are. They are fucking slimeballs!
They need to decriminalize all the rules around meat so that they don’t have to be stamped, so it can hang longer, about 21 days the way they used to. Now the corporations own the meat, not the farmer and you got these slime-balls, petty meat dealers, who lie right to my face. They say, ‘trust me man, it’s New York cut,’ when I know that it’s chuck steak…they think I am stupid. I know it’s chuck, but I’m so addicted I take it anyway.
Their greed gets to them and their operation just grows and they get dealing more and more meat until they attract the attention of the PIGS…I mean the boys in blue, the cops. And you don’t want to be caught by the PIGS dealing meat, they are known to go wild on you, lock you in a pen and feed you to tofu while they tease you in your desperate and degraded state.
I tell you man, I’m so hooked…I need to go to the Safe Meat Injection Site and shoot up some cows up right now. But I’ll be okay by the time I come over tonight..I’ll be ready for another meat transfusion! I need meat at almost every meal. So let’s just get fucking wrecked on Friday, Saturday and Sunday…bar-b-q’s every frickin night buddy. I can’t stop, I can’t quit. I need red meat rehab in a big way.